The 80s Could Have Been WAY Worse

Last weekend, I learned that Jem is on Netflix. I won't go into details, but let's just say that I vigorously maintain that it's a cartoon with a solid plot & my weeknights have been pretty well shot since.

I LOVED Jem as a kid. My mom bought me one of the early edition Jem dolls. She had fantastic flashing earrings that lit up when you flipped a little switch between her shoulders. Naturally, Jem came with 2 outfits - the shiny, metallic rock star outfit + her Jerrica get-up that came with a matching beret used to conceal her pink hair. I had one spare - a yellow dress with an uneven hem - that I learned this week was actually Kimber's outfit. Oddly apt, I recall totally wanting to change my name to Kimber off & on between the 1st & 3rd grades. Gawd, I freaking loved that doll. Being raised an only child, I was not very good at sharing to begin with, but NO ONE touched Jem.

Jem is a holographic output of Synergy, who is conjured when Jerrica/Jem touches her enchanted earrings. When I explained this to my bemused husband, he asked, "so her earrings were sort of like a bluetooth?" Um, yeah. Kind of. That's when it occurred to me that the 80s could have been WAY worse. Wow.

The 1980s Me Decade was one of unbridled ambition, upward social mobility, & Reaganomics. It was an aggressive time & cocaine was the drug of choice. Maybe that's why exaggerated shoulder pads & big hair were so popular: they were safety features. Can you imagine the douchebaggery that would've prevailed had we added widespread cellphone & bluetooth usage to the mix? I just keep picturing Patrick Bateman tuning into the voices in his head, unawares that he's actually on the phone.

For me, the 80s is certainly viewed through the lens of childhood, but the decade clearly provided a springboard for the technology of today. Jerrica monopolized usage of the super-advanced Synergy to propel her into stardom via an alter ego. Didn't Snoop Dogg & Dr. Dre just do something like that at Coachella so they could rhyme with Tupac? Truly Outrageous.