From: Me
To: Dad
Subject: Re: Your mailing address ...
Date: May 23, 2012 at 12:19AM
Hello again,
You have the correct Starbucks email address, but I didn’t receive yesterday's CC there. My filters have your addresses listed as 'safe', but I had also issues receiving something from a vendor last
week. We just received a message from our security team about phishing yesterday, so the Postini team has probably applied a finer mesh to the company filters.
Alas, we had to move from the East John Street address in mid-March due to sketchy building management, so our new physical address is as follows:
You have the correct Starbucks email address, but I didn’t receive yesterday's CC there. My filters have your addresses listed as 'safe', but I had also issues receiving something from a vendor last
week. We just received a message from our security team about phishing yesterday, so the Postini team has probably applied a finer mesh to the company filters.
Alas, we had to move from the East John Street address in mid-March due to sketchy building management, so our new physical address is as follows:
16th Ave
Seattle, WA
My contact info as you have it listed:
Eva Anne
206-XXX-XXX1 ... Old work mobile phone that was cancelled when I went on Sabbatical
206-XXX-XXX2 ... Mobile phone
206-XXX-XXX3 ... Office phone
206-XXX-XXX1 ... Old work mobile phone that was cancelled when I went on Sabbatical
206-XXX-XXX2 ... Mobile phone
206-XXX-XXX3 ... Office phone
724-XXX-XXXX ... Eva Anne's husband
The phone numbers are also correct across the board (with the one cancellation), although the spelling of my original middle name is not. As one of the two people who named me, I’d think that you’d know that it was Ann without an E (very unromantic according to Anne of Green Gables) on my birth certificate. I went the Dorothy Kline route when I got married, taking my maiden name as my official middle name.
You certainly have my permission to list me as your next of kin, but that is your decision. My only requirement is very clear documentation about your wishes.
Now on to other business...
Despite the fact that you seem to think that you know me very well & can so easily compartmentalize all of the characteristics that you seem to dislike – your liberal yuppie feminist daughter [insert
eyeroll here] – I’m afraid you missed the mark on the constantly checking my mobile device & email part. I’m all over my work email while I'm at my desk - M-F, 6AM-4PM - & then I go home for the day. I do stay tuned into Facebook most of the time because it amuses me, but that’s pretty much it. I don't allow notification push & most of the time my phone is on vibrate. Even when my phone is sitting in front of me, if I don’t recognize the number on my phone (i.e. it doesn’t map to a contact), I don’t answer because 99.9% of the time it’s a robocall (thanks for nothing, Do Not Call List). I unplug & check out because otherwise there’s too much noise. I don’t have a desire to stare at a glowing screen or listen to rings & chimes all the time. I got into the habit while we were in Belize because we had no other choice & ended up preferring the quiet.
I truly missed your recent messages in the vast sea of advertisements in my gmail. I did a search on your name & found this request (with 3 messages in an hour). Looks like you got yourself pretty worked up in no time at all. I’ll put it to you like you put it to me when I was about 11 years old & rather hopefully asked if you missed me: you’re not the only thing that I think about. You are literally the only actual person who still sends me emails here. Everyone else that I care to keep in touch with is on Facebook & interacts there. Just last week, I directed my loyal best friend of 24 years to my work email because she told me I'd missed something important. I sincerely explained how I missed your emails & you basically told me that I’m a dumbass for not telling gmail how to take out the garbage. I check gmail once a week or two to scan for legitimate stuff, but obviously I’m not perfect & do miss things. Pointing you back to my (apparently impenetrable, *shakes fist at Postini*) work email was
meant to be helpful & welcoming, not circuitous or contrary. Things change.
I read your response to my husband. Once. That was enough. Such venom in the terribly hateful things that you say. It does seem like you’re enthusiastically embracing a new reason to fly into a rage & discard your daughter for the 3rd time in 19 years.
!!! You made sure that my husband knows that you weren't interested in getting back in touch with me or repairing our relationship in 2009. That's absolutely not what you said at the time & I have the
emails to prove it, but I suppose there's no time like the present for telling the truth ... although we probably could have avoided some of this ugliness if you'd have just bluntly told me to fuck off in the
first place.
The phone numbers are also correct across the board (with the one cancellation), although the spelling of my original middle name is not. As one of the two people who named me, I’d think that you’d know that it was Ann without an E (very unromantic according to Anne of Green Gables) on my birth certificate. I went the Dorothy Kline route when I got married, taking my maiden name as my official middle name.
You certainly have my permission to list me as your next of kin, but that is your decision. My only requirement is very clear documentation about your wishes.
Now on to other business...
Despite the fact that you seem to think that you know me very well & can so easily compartmentalize all of the characteristics that you seem to dislike – your liberal yuppie feminist daughter [insert
eyeroll here] – I’m afraid you missed the mark on the constantly checking my mobile device & email part. I’m all over my work email while I'm at my desk - M-F, 6AM-4PM - & then I go home for the day. I do stay tuned into Facebook most of the time because it amuses me, but that’s pretty much it. I don't allow notification push & most of the time my phone is on vibrate. Even when my phone is sitting in front of me, if I don’t recognize the number on my phone (i.e. it doesn’t map to a contact), I don’t answer because 99.9% of the time it’s a robocall (thanks for nothing, Do Not Call List). I unplug & check out because otherwise there’s too much noise. I don’t have a desire to stare at a glowing screen or listen to rings & chimes all the time. I got into the habit while we were in Belize because we had no other choice & ended up preferring the quiet.
I truly missed your recent messages in the vast sea of advertisements in my gmail. I did a search on your name & found this request (with 3 messages in an hour). Looks like you got yourself pretty worked up in no time at all. I’ll put it to you like you put it to me when I was about 11 years old & rather hopefully asked if you missed me: you’re not the only thing that I think about. You are literally the only actual person who still sends me emails here. Everyone else that I care to keep in touch with is on Facebook & interacts there. Just last week, I directed my loyal best friend of 24 years to my work email because she told me I'd missed something important. I sincerely explained how I missed your emails & you basically told me that I’m a dumbass for not telling gmail how to take out the garbage. I check gmail once a week or two to scan for legitimate stuff, but obviously I’m not perfect & do miss things. Pointing you back to my (apparently impenetrable, *shakes fist at Postini*) work email was
meant to be helpful & welcoming, not circuitous or contrary. Things change.
I read your response to my husband. Once. That was enough. Such venom in the terribly hateful things that you say. It does seem like you’re enthusiastically embracing a new reason to fly into a rage & discard your daughter for the 3rd time in 19 years.
!!! You made sure that my husband knows that you weren't interested in getting back in touch with me or repairing our relationship in 2009. That's absolutely not what you said at the time & I have the
emails to prove it, but I suppose there's no time like the present for telling the truth ... although we probably could have avoided some of this ugliness if you'd have just bluntly told me to fuck off in the
first place.
!!! You didn’t trust me when I first reached out to get back in touch with you because you thought I would launch into "another tirade". Huh? Unwarranted nastiness is your specialty, not mine. I think
you're confusing me with my mother. Again.
!!! You think I conspired with my mother throughout my childhood to keep you away. Are you fucking kidding me? I was 2 when you & my mother got divorced. TWO. I talked about you constantly & BEGGED to spend more time with you. I wasn't allowed to call you ("long distance costs money & your dad doesn't pay child support!"), I was discouraged from sending letters (see the prior refrain, just replace long distance with stamps), & certainly couldn't drive myself to Ohio. When I broke through to puberty & could actually think for myself I started calling collect & asking to live with you, with my mother intervening again & asserting sole custody. Seriously, that is delusional horseshit.
It was about money in 1993 & 1996, when your misplaced anger & cruelty that should have been directed at your 5th ex-wife, the adult who was at the root of that issue, rather than your child. Considering that you immmediately went to child support in your response to my husband & claiming
that you’ve always had to take care of yourself, I have to wonder if your problem isn’t about money now. I am a yuppie after all, makin’ that corporate bank. Or maybe it’s the misplaced anger again, since you’ve mentioned your absence from my Mother’s Day blog twice in your most recent rants. Mother’s Day is about MOTHERS. Family photos aren't like Getty Images; they don't require a copyright. I respect that you’ve lived your life as a female for many years, but the biological reality is that you are my father. Had you not decided to unload all of this jealous drama, you probably could’ve looked forward to a similar post on June 17th because, remarkably, I have fond memories of you, but I think that ship has probably sailed.
For the record, you can blame the great State of Ohio for your loss of Inheritance, since that’s who ultimately filed the lien for back child support. My mother’s lawyer told her that he couldn’t take her money for the case because the Department of Health & Human Services had beaten her to the punch. Do you think that Grandma never talked about your delinquency at work? You’d been on their radar for YEARS. I also spoke to Aunt Debi & Uncle Jack on the subject in the following year & neither of them held any ill will toward me or my mother. Your defense of your brothers is unconvincing, since you were the one who wanted the money the most. Further, your claim that our portion - $20K to cover what you'd missed from 2 through 18, I saw the check - was fully half of Grandma's legacy is bullshit. Due to the wonders of public records, I am aware that Grandma's will basically said to sell
it all & divide the proceeds 3 ways. I do math for a living. Don't piss on my shoe & tell me it's raining.
You have neglected to consider how much I hurt during the 12 years after you LAST told me that you wanted nothing to do with me & as I've just learned, had absolutely no regrets or qualms about ditching me altogether. Despite the fact that I initiated contact, busting through all that baggage is much harder than I thought. Reconnecting isn't a piece of cake, despite best intentions. Am I above criticism? Nope. But I sure as hell won't be blasted for being a bad pen pal by the very person who has told his only daughter to get out of his life on multiple occasions. In the past 3 years, you've randomly unloaded your toxic shit on me at least 4 times. I've NEVER responded in kind or torn into you about how worthless & unwanted you've made me feel since I was 13. I'm a forgiving person, but I never forget. Vicious words have always implanted themselves deeply into my memory & you've
offered up a lot of them with no apology, only self-righteous justification & deputization of responsibility. It's never your fault. According to you, I'm responsible for how I feel AND how you feel. You've shown no recognition of the fact that I am, by nature, a supremely sensitive person. Since it seemed that you saw that trait when I was a kid, I have to assume that you're willfully ignoring that detail now & just don't care. I understand that you don't feel that I communicate as much as you'd like me to. You need to understand that I will give you what I've got. I have emotional boundaries. Take it or leave it.
I grew up in an abusive household & as a result have a pretty strict No Abuse policy. You've crossed the line. So let me be perfectly clear: I will not be treated, spoken to, or about, in the way you have
over the past few days. If you've already made the decision to write me off again, so be it, but I will not engage in this garbage any further.
The only thing I’d like to apologize for is the e-cards from last Father’s Day. I intended for them to be funny, but I clearly missed the signal that they were very poorly received & upset you. Had I realized that at the time, I would have apologized immediately. That was insensitive & I am sorry.
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